Timebomb
by Imperial Mint
Summary: I know I'm mad, but I managed something Itachi never did. ItaDei


Summary: I know I'm mad, but I managed something Itachi never did.

Pairing: ItaDei

**.Timebomb.**

_**I'm sitting on a ticking time bomb. Fuck I'm ready to ignite.**_

Your life is supposed to be great. Even if you do something completely terrible, it's supposed to be great. We're all born thinking it's great, as kids we grow up thinking we're gonna do something amazing, be that one person to change the world.

I wasn't any different. I was a kid when I first learnt it would never happen. I would never change a damned thing because no one cared about me. My parents died, I have no idea how, and I was left to watch as others climbed up the ranks, becoming more known and better loved.

I hated them.

Clay was my only friend. Of course, that's when you know you're fucking crazy, when clay becomes your only friend. I made sculptures, sometimes for fun and sometimes because someone would ask, but they weren't real things. People knew me for my sculptures, the pieces I made just for fun. At the same time, I was able to train as a shinobi, thanks to the interest in my work. People would pay good money for useless things some times.I even had my own following eventually, kids at the academy. One of them ended up guarding the Tsuchikage. They were good kids.

But I needed more. God how I needed more. It was never enough; they didn't love me, they just adored me. There's a massive difference there.

I had been pretty close to the Tsuchikage. He was attracted to power and I was aiming for it. Every night and day all you could see in his eyes was a lust for battle, a lust for power, always a craving for more, more, more.

He could see that I would give him more. Each time I'd come in with my team, waiting for the next Genin mission, he'd be drooling, eager to see us work, pushing the harder missions to us. The fool was always pushing, always wanting more, but I liked that. Someone believed in me, someone actually wanted me to do well.

Three guesses how I paid him and Iwa back? Stole a Kinjutsu, Iwa's own forbidden ones, the one that would allow me to add chakra to my statues, and high-tailed it out of there the first chance I got. And it felt so good. Better than anything I'd ever experienced. I could control my clay models, make them alive.

I worked around a bit, doing a few missions for select groups. I became a terrorist bomber to the public, but really I became a master artist. I'd never experienced anything like that before and the thrill when I readied the trigger and set the clay off was better than an orgasm. I'd never been that high before, never.

I was recruited then. Pein-sama recruited me. The Akatsuki recruited me. It was then I met the bane of my life, Uchiha Itachi.

He was young, like I was, and stood with the leaders of the Akatsuki. He didn't even look at me until I was shouting at him. No one had ever not looked at me. Between the bright coloured hair and the reputation I had built up for myself, everyone knew who I was or at least took interest in me, but this one guy... his eyes didn't even flicker.

I had to challenge him. So I did, challenged him to a fight and used my finest weapons, created by my own two hands. He shouldn't have stood a chance. He would have taken notice of me then.

Until he played me at my own game. I'd always thought I was so clever, so amazing and so wonderful. I'd believed, after leaving Iwa, that I would be able to change the world, that I could make a difference now I had separated myself from them all. I thought the Akatsuki had discovered my greatness and that I was the youngest in the group, and so that made me amazing.

It didn't. It made me worthless next to Itachi. He beat me without moving a muscle, only flickering his eyes. I thought I'd won. I thought I was so great. I thought I was on top of the world. Until Itachi knocked me off with a single fucking stare.

I wanted to fight him. I wanted to beat him so much that my blood boiled every time I looked at him. I was supposed to be the upcoming star of the Akatsuki, the one that everyone smiled at grimly as they passed. Only, that was Itachi's job. He was the one who got the praise, got even Pein to look twice at him.

Me? It was worse than being under the thumb of the Tsuchikage. Except now I wasn't being tested, I was being put on a shelf and stored for later, Itachi taking pride of place.

I didn't spend that much time with him, but there was one night that I'll never forget. We'd received reports that Orochimaru had destroyed part of Konoha, taking the Sandaime Hokage with him. We had to keep on top of the news as any new Kage that could be swayed by our influence would need to be targeted as soon as possible. We held great influence to those who wanted it, especially with our goal firmly set down.

It was a rare occasion when Itachi was at the same base as I was, in the heart of Ame. Rain beat around us, pounding against the windows furiously. Pein was searching for something today, or rather someone. The rain would let up soon enough and some others would head out, but for now we had to wait or get wet.

I chose to wait. It changed the whole of my life.

Itachi was in one of the bedrooms. He was supposed to be heading out soon with Kisame, to go to the Kyuubi and attempt to capture it quickly. Instead, I saw him in his room, standing in the centre of it with his back to the open door. He moved, just as I was about to leave, falling to his knees on the floor.

I heard him crying. For the first time in my whole life, I saw the man I despised was on his knees crying.

"I can't do it," Itachi had said, between sobs. He was broken, a shell of the man everyone else saw.

"I can't do it," Itachi had said, between sobs. He was broken, a shell of the man everyone else saw.

I didn't say anything or do anything. I just stood there like a complete idiot, watching as Itachi failed to compose himself. It must have been twenty minutes at least before he stood again, breathing calm and shoulders squared.

Again, I'd assumed that I was the exception in the world, that I was so great and so invisible. When Itachi turned round, there was no fire in his eyes. There was no Sharingan, just a cold, dead stare that went right to the heart of my soul.

I don't know when he moved, but he was like a ghost, gliding across and pulling me in. His hand grabbed the fabric at my neck, bunching it and choking me slightly. The door slammed behind me as I was tugged to the side, just before the Sharingan flashed, those damned eyes staring right at me

My back hit the door with a crack and I could feel Itachi's breath on my cheek. He drifted slightly, air puffing over my mouth. I parted my lips, so sure I knew what was coming.

He tugged my clothing tighter, raising my head with his bunched fist.

"Leave me alone," he hissed, pushing me against the door before turning around, grabbing his cloak and hat. He shoved me out of the way, leaving the door open as he breezed through.

I hated him. So much, but I'd also seen a crack in his perfection. I was the only one who'd seen it, the only one who knew something like that existed in Itachi. I knew him the best, knew him the most, seen him at his best and his worst.

And that excited me.

If Sasori-danna noticed a change in my behaviour, he didn't say. Then again Sasori-danna didn't say much about anything, but I was thankful for the silence. I knew he watched me sometimes, probably wondering why I was chomping at the bit every time Itachi came near me, but it wasn't something I could stop. I wanted to get under his skin, be the one to make him cry in frustration and clutch his head when he couldn't get me how he wanted.

He never did. Whatever I did, whatever I tried, Itachi never looked. He never showed any interest in what I did. Not a single hint. I fell short of following him, but only because he'd warned me off.

That didn't last for very long and I trained harder than ever before. It was clear to me that Itachi was on a whole other level to me, not just in skill but mentally. He could beat his enemies with a single, Sharingan-less stare. That was true power.

With that in mind, I sought out one of the best rogue genjutsu users, telling them to use everything they had. I trained so hard that I thought I was going to die. My eye was bloodshot after the first day and my head felt as if someone had ripped it open, splitting bone and pounding against my brain.

I beat it. I controlled the feeling, training my damn eye to be resistant to genjutsu. All for one man, all so I could say, 'look at me, Itachi! Look what I did, just for you'. The desire to fight him, to beat him, burned so hard in me that I could hardly sleep at night.

I didn't talk to anyone about my eye. Sasori-danna knew, I think - it was always hard to tell with a puppet-man - but he didn't say anything about it, choosing to be ignorant rather than knowing everything. Which I'm glad of really.

And then Sasori-danna was suddenly gone;, for the first time in years, I was alone. Even when I'd been wandering around, Sasori-danna had been close enough. And even though we weren't friends and knew only what we needed to about each other, he was gone. Killed by a shitty teenager.

I got a new partner, a complete idiot, and that's when Itachi started taking more attention of me, of us, of something. I don't know what, but he was always looking my way, even more than before. Fuck knows why, maybe he was bored of Kisame-danna. Or maybe because I had already captured my Jinchuuriki and he had yet to deliver.

I caught him looking, watching a few times. I tried not to look back, but he knew I did the few times it happened. I don't know what sparked his interest, but I liked it. Loved it. For someone who had so much attention focused on himself, he only gave his own attention to me. Only to me.

The first time it happened, it meant nothing to me. Or at least I convinced myself that.

I caught him looking at me and didn't look away. My hair covered my genjutsu-trained eye, but it was there if I needed it. His Sharingan flickered once before he moved, crossing the floor between us.

Like so many years before, I slammed against the door, Itachi's breath huffing over me.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone," he whispered, tongue flicking over my cheek. He kept the damned Sharingan on, red eyes glowing through the darkness.

It was the red that did it and I said the words I'd longed to for so long. "I hate you."

And he smirked. He fucking smirked. He smirked at the hatred in my eyes, the hatred in my smile, the hatred oozing from every pore. He smirked and kissed me in the same second, biting my lip and digging his fingernails into my cheek.

The sex was rough, rougher than anything I've ever felt, but that was okay. It was good, amazing really, and the marks left all over my body were screaming out, shouting that Itachi gave them to me, that he was mine and no one else's.

Then he left. Just as I thought I'd captured him, locked the cage on him and kept him inside, he left. He flew free, sweeping from the room in a movement like the birds he doted on. He was supposed to be mine. All mine. I'd fucked him, he'd fucked me;, you should belong to each other, then.

Except he didn't. Itachi didn't belong to anyone, even the one person who had caught him for enough time to tempt him to earth before he rose back to his godly status.

I avoided him for a days before the craving seeped back under. He was bad for me;, I got less sleep after we fucked, which made me irritable. Pein-sama sent us looking for another Bijuu and my mind was focused elsewhere entirely. The Sanbi? Forgotten. Uchiha Itachi? Always niggling at the front of my mind, causing the worst emotions to rise up and spew forth.

He made me feel things I'd sworn never to feel. He made me want to follow him, want to trust him, want to be there for him and be the only one he came to. Selfish? Yeah, but fuck it all. I hated him.

"There's a thin line between hatred and love," Tobi said once, giggling as the words tipped out from his mask. For once the dip-shit had said something useful and I bought his food for the evening, glaring at the childish sounds he made when talking. Tobi wasn't what he seemed; after all, why would Pein-sama include an imbecile in the organisation? There had to be more.

I thought about what Tobi had said more and more, wondering if I could possibly love Itachi. I was in awe of him, who wasn't, but love? I didn't do love. Itachi didn't do love. No one in the Akatsuki did love...

So I ignored the question; staring at Itachi and being fucked by him when the opportunity arose. We didn't talk after, we didn't talk before... in fact we never exchanged words except him telling me to stay the hell away and me saying I hated him.

I wasn't sure of my line anymore and his was completely pointless, but we had made it a tradition. So we stuck with it and we were fine.

I asked to fight him one day. Or rather I challenged him; instead of kissing him back I pinned his arms, snarling. It didn't work. He laughed in my face and reached down with a hand, defying my grip. I could have activated the kinjutsu, my palms splitting open and bitten his arm nicely, but something stopped me.

The Sharingan flickered, lazily, a constant reminder that I would never be as fucking good as the godly Uchiha Itachi. I hated him so much, so much, so much, so much. I wanted to punch him, kick him, destroy him, blow him up...

He left without a fuck, shoving me out of the way and tilting his head up. He didn't care. He never had and never would. Why should he care when all I was to him was an nuisance, dogging him around and waiting simply for him to come up to me, take interest in me?

No one else had.

For the hours I was having sex with Itachi, we were the only people in the world. He made me feel special, wanted and needed. I don't know how or why, but he did. And I liked that;, he made me seem as though I was the most important person in the whole universe, which was what I'd been searching for my whole life.

Things were great. Things were going well. Itachi had his life and I had mine, crossing only a few times every couple of months. It worked for us, perfectly.

Until Sasuke came into the picture. I fucking hated the brat the first moment I set eyes on him. Pretending to be so bloody smart, with a shitty sneer and ugly disposition. He fought me, my last battle actually.

Which is where I am now, at the end of my life. I had to get rid of him, finish the job Itachi had started years ago.

Itachi, Itachi, Itachi, Itachi. So perfect to anyone, but what about this fuck up? Rumour has it you were supposed to kill all of your family, but what's he doing here? You left one, Itachi, and I'll fucking finish the job for you. You couldn't do it, but I can.

Try as I fucking may, I couldn't block him from my mind. These are my last few seconds on this measly planet and all my head can think about is that bastard. I should be thinking of my victory, gloating at what I've taken away from Itachi, but instead I'm thinking about how bloody good he was with his tongue and why the fuck did I do this.

I did it to kill Sasuke. In the move that was supposed to be the only move to kill Itachi, I'd killed his stupid little brother. I was supposed to die with Itachi, not this Uchiha.

Light exploded around me and I can feel the burning of a million tiny bombs, building inside and around me. It feels good, so, so good. I've never felt this wonderful and I love this feeling.

Wait. There is one time I've felt this good, but... I guess. I was told there's a fine line between love and hate and this just takes the crown. I feel the bombs exploding, destroying Sasuke and placing me into a fiery hell.

I don't think about the pain. It doesn't hurt. I've been hurt by the Sharingan enough that this is just a scratch. He never did look at me without the Sharingan after I saw him lose composure. The bastard.

Shit.

Did he know I loved him?

**.  
**

**Notes:**

This is my first ItaDei and an entry into the Under-represented Pairings Day club over on Y!

I hope you all enjoyed it! But rest assured I'll be going back to ItaNaru. Could never shift my love for them!


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